Dead Cats
by Kyong Kybis
Summary: Kushina likes the color of blood and hates the color of tomatoes. In which a curious boy intends to solve a paradox and gets slapped in the face for his efforts. OneShot


**Dead Cats**

**Summary:** Kushina likes the color of blood and hates the color of tomatoes. In which a curious boy intends to solve a paradox and gets slapped in the face for his efforts. OneShot

**A/N:** I don't even know what to label this. If you look really hard, I suppose, there's a tiny bit of romance.

It's set sometime after Minato rescued Kushina and it's also a tiny bit AU. Okay, it's probably more than just a tiny bit AU, seeing how I'm messing around with the characters' personalities.

/readies herself for any tomatoes thrown at her by Minato and Kushina fans

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

"You're stupid," chubby-faced Kushina declares in all her eleven-year old wisdom. It's the red liquid on her knuckles, which sort of reminds Minato of that juice he has once spilled all over the floor, that makes him gulp.

"I'm sorry?" he tries. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he wants to ram something dull into his skull repeatedly because there is stupid and then there is _stupid._

Minato has never thought of himself as shy or socially anxious but at the sight of Kushina, crossing her arms and looking decisively unimpressed, he feels a part of him shrink and wanting to go crawl under a bed and lament his woes and sorrows.

But he is Namikaze Minato, shining beacon of hope in these war-filled times, someone whose path to greatness has already been paved as soon as he could open his eyes. So he remains firm and looks straight back into Kushina's narrowing eyes, reminding himself that sorrows and woes are the same and not something he has any reason to be concerned with.

"I'm sorry if I've done something to offend you. I just wanted to know if you feel better now," Minato calmly says and mentally pats himself on the shoulder because he has kept his calm.

Kushina scowls which Minato finds strangely endearing. "I don't want your pity," she growls and to Minato's slightly sick fascination, the red liquid stands out even more against her white skin, becoming paler as she tightens her fists.

He has to force himself to tear his gaze away from her knuckles and redirects his focus back to Kushina's face which looks like she has bit into a particularly sour lemon.

"I don't see what that has to do with pity," he says matter-of-factly and Kushina's left eye starts to twitch in a funny way.

"First, you pity me because I'm always getting bullied and now you think you've got to go on being my prince charming because you feel sorry for me, this poor, poor girl who's gotten herself kidnapped," she shrieks and Minato thinks he can catch some desperate and lonely undercurrent under all this bitterness and fury.

He hasn't intended to but something akin to pity starts to swell in his chest and Kushina suddenly grows silent, all the fierceness gone and drained.

They lapse into uncomfortable silence and his fingers start to twitch nervously, the way they do in battle when they hover inches over the hilt of a kunai, ready to strike.

Finally, "I really like the color blood, ya know?" Kushina murmurs and stares down at her blood-stained knuckles because this is what the red liquor has been all along and he should have known better than to pretend otherwise.

"Oh, is that so?" He tries to insert something akin to vague interest into his tone because he doesn't really want to admit that maybe, all the things Kushina has experienced have left their mark and that he really should just leave and hope that they don't get assigned together on too many missions.

"But I really hate tomatoes. I hate their color," she explains to him like it's the most logical thing in the world and Minato thinks he has succeeded in keeping the bafflement on his face at a minimum.

He grunts out something in reply which can be hopefully interpreted as a sound of agreement and is simultaneously horrified with his slow transformation into an Uchiha.

Warily, he observes how she carefully cleans her hands with a handkerchief which she has stuffed into her pocket.

Words spill out of his mouth. "You should stop hitting them."

A scoff. "It's their fault."

"It still doesn't make it right," Minato insists and lo and behold, the scowl returns.

More silence follows and the expected outburst never comes. He feels really, really uncomfortable right now and the idea of leaving sounds appealing more than ever.

But a part of him must be some kind of closet masochist because he stays and instead inquires, "why do you like the red of blood but not the red of tomatoes? As far as I know, it's the same, unless your eyes are incredibly good and you can see any difference."

"I'd rather want my hair to be blood red than tomato red," Kushina replies.

That naturally makes sense.

"Well, people stopped calling you 'Tomato'. Now you're the 'Red Hot-Blooded Habanero'."

Minato feels slightly embarrassed by this obvious remark in hindsight and this feeling only intensifies under the scrutinizing eyes of Uzumaki Kushina.

"You're kind of stupid for a genius," Kushina notes and her expression softens into something which some overly optimistic people might have considered to be a ghost of a smile. Minato thinks it's a rather lovely-looking hint of a smile.

"Yeah, we've kind of established that some minutes ago," he easily agrees, basking in the sensation of successfully leaving the awkward zone and steering into more promising lands.

He is rewarded with a soft giggle which, however, quickly stops but it does not diminish the feeling of triumph Minato currently experiences.

"You know that weird feeling when blood gets stuck on your fingers and you can't get rid of it?" Kushina asks, her mind following a train of thought which Minato can't make head nor tail of.

"It's really strange," she continues. "And sometimes I wash my hands really long and it turns into a really dark red. It looks more like black then."

_Wow, she is broken beyond repair. _

As soon as the thought crosses his mind, he wants to take it back because the thought of Kushina suffering posttraumatic stress disorder is absurd. Someone as tough as her wouldn't become so rattled because of a mere abduction. He immediately feels like an ass because even the likes of Kushina are still human so he really shouldn't go and assume that Kushina hasn't felt or experienced anything at all during her kidnaping.

He is no expert on this particular topic though and he has never really looked into it, despite his enormous curiosity. Something about it stops him from doing so. Probably the thought of the possibility of what he might end up as. These days, shinobi have the tendency to either end up dead or traumatized.

To think that Kushina suffers a symptom straight out of a book is fascinating on a very, very morbid level and maybe… maybe Jiraiya-sensei is right when he tells him that he sometimes reminds him of his old teammate, Orochimaru-san, who creeps him out more than he wants to admit, with all his tongue-licking and constant staring. And it doesn't really help that he finds her even more intriguing now.

He tries to be subtle in his inquiring, ignoring that nagging voice which tries to convey to him that he should be worried about his lack of worry.

"But you still like the color?"

Kushina nods as she absently rubs circles on the big, red spot which contrasts with the white of the handkerchief, just like her skin.

"It seems to like me so I like it back 'cause people rarely seem to like me."

"Why do you think it likes you?" he asks, his mouth forming into a small o, eyes wide and round. He only belatedly realizes the ridiculousness of his question but he can't seem to find it within himself to be bothered by this.

"It sticks around. You hang around things you like, right?" Kushina shrugs dismissively as if she couldn't care less.

"Right," Minato echoes, his voice dropping to a whisper. Feeling a sudden boldness, he splutters, "that's why I'm here."

It takes a while but when Kushina starts to connect the dots, Minato wants to kick himself. He_ is_ really stupid for an acclaimed prodigy.

He doesn't know what he expected but it isn't a slap to his face. Cheek burning and red, he gapes at Kushina whose expression is dark and furious.

"I said I don't want your pity," she hisses.

"You can like some hallucination but if I'm trying to express my feelings for you, you think it's pity and slap me in the face. And you call me the stupid one out of the two of us?" This is said more out of bewilderment than actual anger.

"It's not a hallucination!" Kushina shouts.

"Are you really trying to defend a symptom of PTSD?" Minato wonders, realizing that they have long since passed the point of sanity.

"It's not whatever you called it!" she denies, red hair streaming in the wind as she apparently starts to suffer some sort epileptic fit, judging by the way her whole body twitches and shakes.

His retort is cut off when she attempts to stomp away.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"I don't want to deal with stupid blonds!" she shouts back, arms crossed, and she would have fled the scene if it isn't for Minato's tremendous speed which makes him catch up to her in the blink of an eye and grab her shoulder.

She whirls around and Minato barely manages to dodge the whip of her red hair.

"Let me go or I'll make you," she hollers, face drawn into an ugly grimace.

Being the genius he is, he wisely lets go and takes a step back, raising his hands in defense.

"I don't want this conversation to end on a bad note. You see…" A part which can be most likely identified as his common sense is practically screaming at him to stop make an idiot out of himself.

He continues, "You see I wasn't lying back then when I rescued you. It wasn't just me trying to console you or something like that because you were obviously in distress. I meant what I said. So you should get past those trust issues of yours and try believing in the fact that you can rely on me."

Minato mentally congratulates himself on his speech, which, as far as he is concerned, could have been easily found in a grand heroic tale.

However, as far as Kushina is concerned, this is not the case, as shown when she scrunches up her face in disgust.

"Where do you get these lines? From your pervert sensei?" she questions.

His face turning the shade of a tomato, Minato offers only stammering as a retort and it turns worse when he sees Kushina approaching him until their face are only inches apart from each other. For a fleeting moment of insanity, he actually expects her to lean forward, closing what little distance is left between them, and kiss him.

She stares at him with her grey eyes and then slowly starts to back away. Minato would be a liar if he doesn't admit that he is slightly disappointed.

"You're actually kind of cute when you're blushing," Kushina confesses, rubbing her chin as if coming to this conclusion has required a lot of thinking on her part.

This statement naturally prompts Minato to blush once again, making Kushina giggle. In this moment, if someone would have happened to come by, they would have most likely mistaken them for a young couple and this thought only serves to make Minato blush even harder until he is sure that his face is redder than even Kushina's hair, which is the reddest thing he has seen so far in his entire life, apart from blood.

Hmm, blood red is indeed an accurate description of her hair.

"Your hair is actually red like blood." For some reason, he thinks that telling her this would be a good idea.

She, actually, does seem to brighten up upon hearing this. "Really? Ya know, it sometimes looks pink too and I hate pink. All these stupid girls in this village like pink." She sneers. Obviously, she hasn't taken a liking to Konoha's girls.

He isn't quite sure whether it is only this village which inhabits girls with a tendency to wear and like pink or rather an universal thing but there are more pressing matters so he decides to drop it and instead reassures her, "don't worry, it's blood red, right now. No silly pink."

He feels silly saying this but it's worth it when he sees Kushina's little smile which is clearly an improvement of the rather lovely-looking ghost of a smile.

"Sooo," she says, drawing out the o, "did you really save me because you actually like me?" The way she says it makes it seems like this is a concept too foreign for her to grasp.

"Yeah. I certainly didn't do it for the brownie points."

For some reason, this makes her laugh. He makes a mental note to himself to try to make her laugh a little more because it sounds rather lovely. Like the tinkling of heaven's bells or something. And dear kami-sama, he couldn't believe he has actually just thought that right now.

"Hmm." She seems to take this declaration with nonchalance and a shrug. If it isn't Kushina, he would have already felt quite offended by now.

Who is he kidding? If it isn't for the fact that it is Kushina he is talking to, he would have already left long ago before things could have turned so… weird.

"Do you still like blood more than me?" No, Namikaze Minato has long stopped caring during the span of this conversation whether something he says is not only ridiculous but also quite insane.

What follows is a tense silence.

"Well, I know blood like my whole life," and Minato does finally start to worry when he realizes that he finds the notion of her addressing blood like it's the name of an old friend endearing.

"But!"

"But?"

"But…"

"But what?"

"But, well, there's something about you. I don't know how to explain. Like it's really weird. I hate having to depend on people but when you saved me and-," she stops, her lips tightly pressed together.

"Don't worry, I won't laugh," he reassures her, the suspense nearly killing him. Could it be what he thinks it is? A freaking love declaration from _the_ Uzumaki Kushina?

She scowls, which is nothing new. "It's not funny , it's just really weird and I'm not sure…"

"Kushina, believe me, if I say that this conversation can't get any weirder."

"Fine," she spits. "When you were holding me in your arms, I felt like something really, really special, like that human princess goddess from this one tale and you're like that jerk cat god warrior. And you know, everyone has blood but there is only you, one stupid blond Namikaze Minato, and no one else has this." 

"Me?"

He isn't sure whether he likes this comparison of them being the human princess goddess (how is that even possible, isn't that a contradiction?) and the jerk cat good warrior from some weird tale which, he supposes, is also of the heroic and grand sort.

"No, not you." She shakes her head and in this moment, he could only see red. "This." She gestures awkwardly around them.

He raises an eyebrow. "I wouldn't mind if you were to clarify what you mean."

She seems ready to throttle him. "You stupid blond. Do I have to spell everything out for you? I like you!" She screams, not really answering his question but he is pleased nevertheless. "And I don't how to deal with this. Or how the hell I am supposed to act around you because I don't want you to know!"

"Well, so you've been treating me rudely on purpose so that I would never ever think of you having a crush on me?" Minato asked, right now ignoring the fact that she has just confessed to him anyway. For his part, he feels like he will break out in some happy dance anytime soon, which will involve some rather embarrassing moves.

"Don't call it a crush!" she hisses, her eyes narrowed into tiny slits and her cheeks as red as her hair. Apparently, she doesn't want to be confused with one of these stupid, silly, pink-loving girls.

"Fine, you didn't want anyone to find out that you're fostering eternal love for me." He grins and if he had a mirror, he would have realized that it is a quite goofy grin.

Kushina, however, sees this and her rage starts to dilute, despite his humiliating words. "You really are like the jerk cat god warrior. And I'm not surprised at all that you're the student of this pervy sensei."

He decides to take it as a compliment. "From what story is that one anyway?"

"You wouldn't know. It's a tale from Uzushiogakure."

"Oh."

Silence.

"Was it very bad?"

A deadpanned stare.

The feeling of having said something very dumb.

He raises his hands. "Alright, that was stupid. I'm sorry that I asked."

"Nah, forget it." She plumps down and after some seconds Minato also lays next to her.

They lapse into comfortable silence.

Finally, "Would you mind telling me the story?"

"Fine. Once upon a time, all the cats in the country started to die because of a mysterious disease-"

"Why cats? Isn't this about gods?"

"Would you shut up?"

"Alright, alright, I won't interrupt again."

"You better not. Anyway, the princess of the country became very, very upset and thus she decided to travel to the palace of the god of cats."

"God of cats? This sounds kind of lame. You sure that I'm like him? Yeah, fine, I'm quiet now. You can put the kunai away."

**A/N:** Wow, that must have been the most unromantic conservation ever. But the best part was the definitely-not-clichéd ending. And this story is clearly even more unstructured and incoherent than my others so I hope it wasn't confusing or something.

Oh, and it's not a really interesting thing but this was my first real attempt at writing in present tense. So was it alright or do you have any suggestions on how I could improve? So feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated :)


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